By Irene Ngare
I put out a request for people to share their experiences with meditation, and I am getting more individuals that are open to sharing, even briefly, about their odyssey. Once again, How joyful! Irene, a Vipassana meditator shares her experience of integrating back to the lay life after her first retreat, and how trust and faith have carried her. May we find inspiration in her story!
Peace, Kamande.
… it has been a journey. A journey towards understanding suffering, humanity, and forgiveness. A journey of being, healing, acceptance, and self-love. A journey of brevity, confidence, spiritual growth, and an exploration spirit. A journey of happiness.
212 days ago, I walked out of the 10 days Vipassana meditation course (August 2024 cohort) feeling like I had unlocked a secret to life. I felt light, free, and reborn. I had found clarity; I felt intentional and purposeful in life. But as life would have it, the real world wasn’t about to let me off that easily. Old habits die hard, right? Upon reintegrating into society, my old habits came calling loudly! At first, it was just little things—a craving for distractions, the urge to escape instead of sitting still … It was the things that had been part of my life for the last decade that were sources of my unhappiness and anxiety, calling me back to my comfort. And slowly, the pull grew stronger, and before I knew it, I was back in the arms of habits I thought I had left behind, after the meditation course. Don’t get me wrong, though; I wasn’t an extremist, but little or major unhappiness is still unhappiness, true or true? The strangest part? This time round the escapism didn’t taste nor feel the same anymore.
Those ten days of silent meditation had shifted something in me. Even after leaving the retreat, my heart still felt the need to meditate—at least an hour a day, five to six days a week. Have I followed Goenka’s advice to meditate for two hours daily, morning and evening? Hell no! Do I strictly follow the five precepts? Unfortunately, not all! Do I attend my weekly group sitting every Saturday? HA! But I try! I try, I try to meditate daily, I try to follow the five precepts, I try to attend my weekly group sitting, and I know for sure I do try! And that’s what I took away from Goenka’s teachings—one day at a time, baby; after all, Rome was not built in a day. For the last 212 days, I have consistently tried. That effort alone has improved my life in ways I never imagined.
Looking back at the person I was on 8 August 2024, before the course, and the person I became after leaving the course on 19 August 2024, to the person I am as I write this today—it has been a journey. A journey towards understanding suffering, humanity, and forgiveness. A journey of being, healing, acceptance, and self-love. A journey of brevity, confidence, spiritual growth, and an exploration spirit. A journey of happiness. A journey toward enlightenment. A journey towards awakening that the world is my oyster. A soul-searching journey. And the list is endless! The ride has been nothing short of an adventure!
A few days after leaving the course, Kamande asked us to write about our experiences voluntarily. There was so much to write, but my heart wasn’t ready. I hesitated because I wanted to live the teachings first, to experience them in my daily life before giving an authentic and experienced account of the living-proof of the teachings. Over time, the thought of writing faded—until two weeks ago, when something unexpected happened.
Our department at work had a team-building retreat, and I had a deep conversation with a colleague. She spoke passionately about the goodness of God in her life, sharing stories of Jesus’ faithfulness and the tremendous changes she had experienced. As I listened, I found myself nodding—not just out of politeness, but because I could relate. Surprisingly, I had felt the same transformation through meditation.
I, too, felt reborn, guided, and grounded. I even lost a few pounds (hurray!). I started living in the present. I became braver—no longer afraid of the dark. Fun fact: washing my face in the bathroom was a struggle before I began my meditation journey because I always felt like someone was watching me (dark days those were!). But now? I am at peace. As my colleague described her encounter with Jesus, I had encountered something profound through meditation.
That’s when the idea of spirituality truly dawned on me—the goodness of trust. My colleague had a strong conviction in Jesus’ salvation, and true to her faith, she had witnessed its power in her life. I had trust in the benefits of meditation, and true to my practice, I had seen it transform me. This made me wonder: “Does the human soul, if it exists, have to be anchored to a faith—or even a lack thereof?”
Even the absence of faith is a faith in itself. For the past two weeks, I have pondered this question—the necessity of faith and trust for the human soul. Personally, I feel my soul anchored with meditation. I love that meditation can exist independently, without being tied to any religion—just like a relationship with God.
Ultimately, the need for faith—or the lack thereof—remains a mystery to me. Perhaps it always will. But one thing is clear: the human tendency to trust is deeply wired into our being. Whether it is trust in a higher power, silence, science, or even ourselves, that longing may define the soul—quite a mystery to me. Perhaps faith isn’t about religion, meditation, or even spirituality. Whether it’s faith in God/god, in stillness, in love, or simply in ourselves, maybe that’s the essence of the human soul. Whatever it is, I’m glad I found meditation and trust in its benefits, which are living proof in my life.